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Aight, listen up, you filthy animals! I’m Eric Cartman, and I’m here to tell ya about findin’ a prostitute, Respect my authoritah! So, I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave movie, *The Social Network* – ya know, that badass flick where Zuckerberg screws everyone over, “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies,” right? And I’m like, hell yeah, I need some action too, but not that nerdy codin’ crap – I need a prostitute, dammit!

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See, my job lets me soak up all the small-town vibes. I see people comin' in stressed, undone, but then leavin' with that chill look. I chat 'bout the neighborhood quirks like the hidden mural on the wall of the corner store on Riverside Dr.—only locals know 'bout that, ya know? I get deep into conversations like, "Hey, did ya ever notice that lady feedin' pigeons by the old courthouse?" And oh boy, it gets philosophical real quick.

Young Life leader threatened, molested teen boys in Carroll County, police investigation finds