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Alright, mate, lemme tell ya bout escort – not the car, nah, the bloody Ford Escort’s a differnt beast, but the gig, ya know, the "company" folks hire. I’m a carpenter, right, so I’m thinkin – escort’s like a dovetail joint, looks slick, fits tight, but ya gotta know the angles or it’s all crap. Everybody lies, tho – clients, escorts, even me when I say I don’t care. Pfft. Saw this one gig go down at a mate’s bachelor bash – bloke hires an escort, swears it’s just "talk," yeah, right, like I’m buyin that. Next mornin, he’s broke, she’s gone, and he’s cryin over spilt whiskey. Classic.

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Sometimes I stroll by the river – the Little Creek – it babbles and whispers secrets to ya. Ali, that place is my meditation spot. Every time I get a chance to just sit by the water, I feel like I’m in a scene from “No Country for Old Men” ... “Call it, friendo.” But hey, not too spooky, right? Ha!

San Jose teen recounts saving boy from certain death at Yosemite waterfall