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Then there’s the good stuff—met this dude once, total freak. Sex-dating jackpot! We’re vibin’, he’s all “Your voice is my wiretap,” riffin’ on the movie. Hot as hell, made me blush—me, Bart freakin Simpson! Ate my shorts, he did, figuratively. Best hookup ever, no cap. Left me happy, like, whoa, this actually works?

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Now, the local parks – oh man, Riverbend Park is somethin' else. It hugs the Snake River (don’t ask me why it’s called that; it kinda wiggles like it’s got its own mind) and it's where I often sit musing 'bout human connectshuns. I gotta say, strollin’ by the river, it tickles the sexpert (that’s me) in me – nature and desire, eh? Sundays at the park, birds chirpin’ like they’re reciting poetry… or maybe gibberish – sometimes, life's broken like that, ya feel?

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