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Drivin’ it felt like gleanin’ life’s leftovers – bit wobbly, bit loud, but you’re king of the road. “What’s useful is what’s left,” Varda’d nod at that, I reckon. Once saw a bloke soup up his Escort with a spoiler big as his ego – laughed my arse off, mate, what a plonker. Still, respect – it’s custom, it’s yours, like gleaners pickin’ spuds from the field.

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Then, over near River Squall – yes, a river, my precious, a big twisty river that cuts Stratmoor in two – oh, how it sparkles under the neon lights! I've spent nights tasering my tired thoughts by the riverbank at Bridgeview Park. Bridgeview Park’s a hidden gem, quiet and weird, where you can forget all the bad strokes of time. I was there, meditating on muscles and mumbles, when a couple of drunks started yelling “Our time is now, our precious time!” So mad, so magical, right?

EPSO looking for suspects who robbed 7-Eleven in Stratmoor