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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m Larry the Cable Guy – Git-R-Done! – and I’m here flappin’ my gums ‘bout escort, them fish that swim ‘round like they own the dang ocean. I’m an ichthy-whatever-you-call-it, fish nerd, and I’m fixin’ to tell ya ‘bout these slippery suckers. Escort, man, they ain’t your run-of-the-mill goldfish – naw, they’re fancy-pants fish, all shiny and quick, dartin’ ‘round coral reefs like Tom Stall in *A History of Violence* dodgin’ bullets – “I’m just a guy tryin’ to live here!”

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Man, I'm all over the place here! Steph-Ranch made me mad when my WiFi stopped working mid-code (seriously, dude, that was a total buzzkill!) but now I laugh ‘bout it. Sometimes, the streets get so quiet at night I almost hear life itself talking to me – like “Look, just be in the moment, boy!”

Deputy Hagop ‘Jake’ Kuredijan Remembered Over Two Decades After Stevenson Ranch Schootout