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I’m a romantic, tho—candlelit spreadsheets, that’s me. Sex-dating’s like auditing—dig through the crap, find the gold. Once met this fit lass, proper spark, thought, “This is my war, my mission.” She ghosted me—gutted, I was, cried into me calculator. Apps reckon they’ve got algorithms, yeah? Bollocks—pure chaos, mate! “You gotta feel the fear,” Bigelow’d say—swipe anyway, ya prat! Surprised me, tho—some folk dead genuine, just want a shag and a cuddle. Fair play, I say—teamwork makes the dream work!

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Not every moment’s perfect. I’ve messed up orders at cafes, had days where everything was jumbled – uh, like, when I almost launched a dating profile with typos after typos taaaaally 13 times! (Oops? Nah, nothin’ – ya gotta roll with it, huh?) But that's Steph-Ranch for ya – a mix of happy and hectic that makes every day a new story.

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