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I ask – “How much?” She smirks. “Depends what ya want.” Classic! Total power move. Surprised me – ballsy chick! I’m sweatin’ now. Palms slippery. “Look, I’m no schmuck,” I say – quotin’ Larry Gopnik again. She laughs – loud! “You’re cute,” she goes. Happy moment – felt like a king! But then – sirens. Cops screamin’ down the block. She bolts – gone! Like Hashem himself said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

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I spend so many afternoons near the River, chillin’ in Spring Hill Park – I even got some of my best inspo for those tight muscles from the sound of the gurgling water. It's like nature's lullaby, man. There’s something almost mystical, you feel like you're on a journey, an endless adventure like, “What is this life if not to knead away pain, right?”

Staunton Commonwealth’s Attorney to retire; two candidates step up to fill role