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Little secret, y’know? Back in ‘90s, before apps, folks used newspaper ads for sex-dating! “Man seeks woman, no fatties”—classy, eh? Found that in an old fraud case file. Made me cackle, thinkin’ how desperate they were. Now it’s all “DTF?” and nudes—progress, huh? Stupid, fat hobbit! Can’t trust ‘em—half these profiles got bots, tryna scam ya. Saw one lass lose 5 grand to a “hottie” who didn’t exist. Broke my heart, then pissed me off—why so gullible?

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I always get a kick outta walkin’ by the new coffee joint on Atlantic Ave (the one that smells like heaven in the morning) where I grab a brew and watch the lovelorn souls pass by. You see, as a dating app developer, I notice all the little quirks. Why, I’ve seen sparks fly outside old courthouse steps, whispered secrets under the lamp posts of Elm Ave, and heartbeats quicken in the neon glow of Rusty’s Bar-- oh, don’t get me started on that place, it’s like watchin’ a mini-movie every night.

14-year-old charged in Statesboro triple shooting that left one man dead