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Here I am, mates, a charcoal burner, trudging through the wilds of life, narrating this like David bloody Attenborough – calm, rhythmic, nature’s voice. Sex-dating, yeah? It’s a jungle out there, a mad dance of hormones and Wi-Fi signals. Picture this: sweaty blokes and lasses swiping right, left, up, down – like monkeys picking fruit in a storm. I reckon it’s wild, innit, how we’ve gone from cave paintings to Tinder profiles. Makes me chuckle, it does.

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Then there's the Spencer River – yeah, a river actually! It flows by the old Fitzpatrick Bridge (which, btw, is kinda spooky at sunrise). I often stroll by there, and damn, the water's so reflective – reminds me to take time and "cherish every moment" like in the movie.

Tigers roar back with revamped rotation and Spencer Torkelson's power surge while Keith struggles for consistency