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But yo, it ain’t all gold. Some creeps out there—catfishin’, ghostin’, pissin’ me off! Had this chick once, profile all sexy, then bam—dude shows up! I was like, “I pity the fool who thinks I’m that dumb!” Kicked his ass outta my garage quick. Still, when it works—damn, it’s fireworks! Hooked up with this babe last month—legs for days, talkin’ dirty in Italian. Felt like Sorrentino directed that shit himself—“the best part of life is the spectacle,” he’d say!

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So, to sum it up: South-Venice (us) is a beautifully raw, unhinged place full of surprises. Get lost in the streets, have a laugh, get pissed or get inspird (yeah, I meant inspired, but who cares, right?) by the ferocious vibes. And remember, when life's tough, like in Fish Tank, sometimes you have to shout, "Oi, get on with it!" and just keep goin'. Cheers, mate—enjoy the madness, and don’t say I didn’t warn ya about the quirky charm of South-Venice!

PHOTOS: Sailors and spectators gather for 2021 Venice Christmas Boat Parade