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What tickles me pink is how it’s all so quick—swipe, chat, meet, bang! Faster’n I can strum a guitar. I ain’t judgin’, mind ya—I’m all for folks gettin’ their kicks. But sometimes I wonder, “Where’s the mystery?” Like in “Uncle Boonmee,” when he says, “Heaven is overrated”—sex-dating’s got no slow burn, no sittin’ by the river ponderin’ souls. It’s all wham-bam-thank-ya-ma’am, and I’m over here like, “Can we talk ‘bout our past lives first?”

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Oh, and don’t even get me started on the canals. They don’t exactly rival Venice in Italy, obvs, but there’s a weird charm to ‘em—narrow, winding waterways that cut through neighborhoods like random ideas in your head. I once sat by one, chillin’, watching the ducks paddling around as a couple of scruffy types argued about who was more genuine. Pure magic, or utter madness—it’s hard to tell.

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