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So, I tried it once—D’oh!—total mess! Lady’s like, “Relax, Homer,” but I’m all tense, thinkin’ bout Marge catchin’ me. Felt like a freakin’ donut gettin’ glazed, ya know? Slippery as hell—oil everywhere! Little fact: they use weird stuff like almond oil, not even donut grease! Surprised me, man, thought it’d be all fake and porny, but nah, it’s legit chill. Got me happy—muscles all loose, like after a good nap. But then—D’oh!—she hits a knot, hurts like hell! “That’s a bingo!” I yell, straight outta Inglourious Basterds. She’s confused, I’m laughin’—classic me.

Massage in Utah (5)

And then there's the River Zing. Yeah, it cuts through the city, all twisty and unexpected. I once lounged by its banks, watchin’ the sunset brawl with the urban skyline—like a scene straight out of a flick. It makes me mad sometimes how peaceful it is compared to the chaos of everyday life, but that’s South-Salt-Lake (us) for ya!

Retired fire chief Steve Foote has died, South Salt Lake Fire says