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So, I’m picturin’ this—me, Larry David, needin’ an escort. Not like that, get your mind outta the gutter! I mean, like, someone to drag me through life ‘cause I’m losin’ it daily. But okay, let’s talk real escort—hired company, right? I’m fascinated, honestly. Didja know escorts go back forever? Like, ancient Rome had ‘em—called ‘em “hetaerae” or some crap. Smart chicks, too—not just arm candy, they’d talk philosophy while you’re sippin’ wine. Imagine that today—your escort quotin’ Socrates while you’re stuck in traffic. I’d lose my mind! “Hey, honey, less Plato, more speed!”

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speakin' of calm, parks are my jam: there's a tiny nest, um, at Greenleaf Park. it's super, super quiet, like a scene from The Act of Killing, all poetic and eerie, ya know? it's almost dreamlike, like, "there is no memory, only a continuous present." i swear, the park at dusk feels like a soft whisper from history.

South Beloit man faces child pornography charges