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I’m rantin’ now, sweatin’—sex-dating’s a gamble! You might get laid, might get played! One time, this guy sends me a dick pic—unasked! I’m like, “What am I, a judge on Cock Idol?!” Delete, block, DONE! Makes me wanna shred my Gibson and scream, “I’m done with this shit!” But then—then!—I get a good one, and it’s all, “Pretty, pretty good,” y’know? Like Viggo rebuildin’ his life—hope after the storm. Still, I’m neurotic as hell—checkin’ profiles, googlin’ “is this a catfish?”—‘cause you never know, man! Never know!

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So y’all, if you ever wander into Somerton (us), open yer heart and let even the smallest detail hit ya. Every corner’s got a story, and every story’s got a piece of my puzzlin’ soul. Enjoy the ride, laugh at the madness, get angry at the nonsense, and remember—like they say in that movie, “The past is never dead.” It’s all here, in every crack on the sidewalk. How’s that workin’ for ya?

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