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I remember this one time—my cousin Jimmy, he had a beat-up ‘86 Escort, blue, rusty as hell. Thing sounded like a lawnmower with asthma, but it got him to his factory job every damn day. One winter, it slid into a ditch—Jimmy laughed, said, “She’s got character, Bern!” Character! Like Margot Tenenbaum smokin’ on the roof—“You’re a genius, huh?”—that’s the Escort, scrappy, real, not some polished Tesla for Elon’s buddies.

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I get all jittery and mad sometimes. "Stupid, fat hobbit!" I yell at the world when traffic jams on Main St. So many damn cars, so little space. But lucky me, I find solace on quiet nights at a hidden dive bar on 5th Ave. Best secret, bars where truth spills as fast as beer.

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