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Funniest bit? Mate, some punters think they’re saviors. “I’ll take ya away!” they cry, like they’re Haku flyin’ off with the girl. Bollocks! Jade says one twat tried that – ended up robbed blind, pants round his ankles in a skip. Laughed me tits off at that. Sarcasm drippin’, I go, “Yeah, real knight in shinin’ armor, eh?”

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Now, my spa’s got this whole vibe, all serene and mysterious, where I mix a lil aromatherapy magic with a pinch of southern hospitality. Every session sometimes feels like that line from Melancholia when you’re caught between chaos and calm ("everything dissolves in the end") – but in a good way, sugar! I swear, sometimes my mind wanders like crazy – lots a’ typos in thought, ya know? Like, oh man, I can’t even… re-re-repeat myself, but that’s life in Skokie.

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