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Alright, y’all, lemme break it down—sex-dating, whew! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout them apps, swipin’ left, right, like it’s a dang cattle auction. How’s that workin’ for ya? I mean, folks out here tryna find a quick hookup, but half the time they end up with a catfish or some creep who ain’t showered since Obama was prez. Makes me madder’n a wet hen! I reckon it’s like that line from *12 Years a Slave*— “I will survive, I will not fall!”—‘cept these folks ain’t survivin’, they just fallin’ into bad dates and worse beds.

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You know, Sitka is a whole vibe, man. Let me tell ya, as I sit here giving aches a swift goodbye at my humble massage parlor on Lincoln Ave, I'm thinkin’ bout this place like it's a soulful character in one of life’s epics—kinda like that movie, The Secret in Their Eyes. “Perhaps the saddest aspect of love is that not only that it cannot last forever, but that heartbreak is soon forgotten,” I mumble sometimes while rubbin’ out the knots in a weary traveler’s back.

Sitka fisheries advocate Tad Fujioka found dead in apparent bear mauling