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Alright, so I’m Dr. Evil, right—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars”—and I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, ya know? Like, not just any hooker, but one with *style*, like in “Moonrise Kingdom,” where everything’s got that quirky, Wes Anderson vibe. Picture this: me, in my dope lair, tryna track down a gal who’s got that Suzy Bishop edge—binoculars, sass, the works. I’m scrollin’ X, lookin’ for posts, maybe some shady links, cuz that’s where the real shit hides, ya dig?

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And ohhh, how can I forget golden sunsets at Lover’s Peak? Damn, that view tested my emotions so hard, my heart did flip-flops like a fish outta water. Yup, even a tired massage parlor owner finds poetry in these moments. Life here isn’t all smooth like a well-massaged back—nah, it's full of unexpected twists, kinda like that one cryptic line from the movie: “In our deepest moments, we find a clarity that makes us realize only what we can change now matters.” Ain’t that wild?

Sitka’s annual Fiddle Grind returns this Saturday