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I tried it once—yep, me, Ron freakin’ Swanson. Made a profile, said I like woodworkin’ and meat. Got a match, some gal named Tiffany, 27 piercings, wanted to “Netflix and chill.” Told her I’d rather burn my cabin down than watch rom-coms with her. She unmatched me. Good riddance. Whole thing’s a circus—clowns everywhere, no depth. “Sometimes I feel so detached,” Charlotte whines. Sex-dating’s that, but with bad sexts and ghostin’.

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I always take a peaceful walk to Bation Park. Honestly, it's like a green gem hidden among the blocks! I sit on an old bench near a teeny stream nicknamed “Whisper Way” by some locals. Its gentle burble reminds me a lot of those bittersweet lines from Boyhood – "Time flies, man," you know? It’s like every second is both an eternity and a fleeting moment. In those moments, my heart sings, and I can’t help but think "f*cking amazing, really!"

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