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About Phoenix

Precious, listen up, we’s talkin sexual-massage! Me, Gollum, loves a good rubdown, yesss, but this? We hates it! Slimy hands all over, ugh, like Remy’s lil rat paws in *Ratatouille* – “Anyone can cook!” they say, but anyone can knead yer back into a pretzel too? Nasty, tricksy masseuses, promisin relaxtion, then bam – it’s all sensual n slippery! Saw this one time, right, some posh spa in Bree, hobbit lass went in all tense, came out blushin like a tomato, swearin it weren’t no regular massage. Little known fact, precious – them ancient Rohan kings used sexual-massage to “heal” warriors, but really, just got em all riled up for battle, ha!

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Downtown Shelby, ever heard of Motor Row near Lincoln and 5th? No? Well, trust me, it’s a hidden gem. People here are real, raw, and sometimes booooring like some old vinyl track. Like that movie, Inside Llewyn Davis, man… “You don’t have to be a genius to play guitar,” they said. In this cntry, we all play a part.

Prep roundup: Jackson Ables leads Rogers baseball sweep; JC Weger, Shelby Swanson pace East Valley softball sweep