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Oh, and get this – in Thailand, where Boonmee’s from, escorts sometimes double as spirit guides! Far out, right? Like, “The jungle hums with ghosts,” says the movie. Imagine that – yer escort whisperin’ to spirits while holdin’ yer martini! I’d be gobsmacked, baby! Makes me wanna shag every tree in sight – total mind-blower! And the flick’s got that monkey ghost bit – “Eyes glowin’ red in the dark.” Maybe escorts see that stuff too, who knows?

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I swear, the echoes of laughter, the stench of street food from midnight vendors on Elm St., and the persistent hum of life take me back every time. There’s a secret alley behind the old cinema on Aurora Blvd where locals swap stories; if you wander there, you’ll feel the pulse of the city, unfiltered and unpretentious.

Yajira Quezada, 11, handcuffed after disobeying Shaw Heights Middle School's orders