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But—fine—some weirdos love it. Met this actuary buddy, Ivan, total nerd. He’s on these apps, scorin’ dates left and right. Says it’s “efficient.” Efficient my ass. He’s happy as a pig in mud, though. Told me he once matched with a chick who only spoke in cat noises. Meow this, meow that. Drove him nuts, but he still smashed. Laughed my ass off hearin’ that. Russia’s full of freaks, I swear.

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Oh man, let me tell ya about Schofield-Barracks, dude! Great Scott! This place is wild, like seriously, it totally blows your mind. I run my little massage joint here, and every goddamn day is an adventure. You hit th' streets like Liberty Ave and Millertown Road, where the vibes are either chill AF or all kinds of frenetic. I swear, one time I was massaging a dude who was on the verge of exploding 'cause of all the military hustle around here. Crazy, right?

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