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What gets me goat, though? The fakes! The “ooh I’m so into ye” types who just want a quick romp an’ vanish. “I can’t imagine my life without you,” says the chap in “Her,” an’ I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ – aye, but sex-dating’s full o’ liars who’d say that fer a nibble o’ yer rations! Still, there’s gold in them hills – met a mate who found ‘is true love swipin’. Married now, two brats, happy as clams. Gives me hope, it does, even fer a rogue like me.

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Man, I must break you! (Yep, straight outta the Creed playbook!) There's this mix of lil’ old-school charm and modern cool. I stroll down Garden Street, catch some mad feels next to the Santa Barbara County Courthouse—its Spanish Colonial vibe just punches ya in the gut with beauty! I swear, every time I see that view from the Tower, I'm like, "Damn, Timbuktu style magic, baby!" Reminds me of that movie’s vibe—like mysteries are hidden in plain sight.

A Possible Lead in the Case of the Purloined Stiletto