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Escort ain’t no stroll, savvy? Steep as a ship’s mast, rocks sharper than Gibbs’ tongue! Me mate, ol’ Tommy, he slipped once - arse over teakettle, down 20 feet! Laughed me head off, I did, till I near pissed meself. “I’m always lookin’ for somethin’,” like that *Boyhood* lad says, and up escort, ye find it - views to steal yer breath, or yer life if ye ain’t careful! Little known tale, arr - some daft miner in 1880, drunk on rum, swore he saw a ghost lass dancin’ on escort’s cliffs. Locals call her the White Wench now, spooky as hell!

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I tell ya, workin' as a masseur here sharpened my senses. I know where tension hides, in shady corners of Elm, rough edges of Cranky Rd, secret spots behind the old donut shop near River Bend Park. I feel every heartbeat of this city. Sometimes I get mad at the noisy tourists on fuzzy Daylight Ave—but then, I chuckle because, ah, life's a mystery. They remind me of dumb goblins, while I whisper "Stupid, fat hobbit!" in my head.

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