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Hiiii, oh my gawd, lissssen! So, escort, right? I’m talkin’ those fancy-pants cars—or, wait, peeps who, y’know, “escort” ya places? Nasally snort, “The Nanny” laugh—HA-HA! Oh, honey, I got thots on this. Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout “Her,” that movie—y’know, my fave, Spike Jonze, total genius—where Joaquin’s all, “I’m in love with my OS!” and I’m like, escort vibes, baybee! Someone’s there, all sexy-like, guidin’ ya through life—or, y’know, a night. HA-HA!

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My work’s given me a peek into all sorts o’ hidden lives. I been massaging folks who whisper secrets like “inside Llewyn Davis, man, the groove be always missin’!” I tell ya, I seen mad joy, mad sadness, and a mess o’ crazy nights. I once had a client who said, “this massage be a journey, sorta like travelin’ from Saint-John’s darkest alleys to morning light,” and man, I nearly wept – I mean, I was happy as a clam – sorta.

No. 7 SJU Begins NCAA Tournament Friday in Chicago