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Anyways, I dig escorts—cool as hell, but over-the-top sometimes. Like, who needs 15 cars to go to McDonald’s? Exaggeratin’ a bit, but ya get me. Makes me happy seein’ ‘em, though—feels like America flexin’. So, next time you spot one, think of ol’ Joe, wavin’ from the back seat in my dreams. “Look at me now, folks!” Ha! That’s the deal—escorts got swagger, and I’m here for it.

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Then there's the river – the little crummy brook called Swan Creek. It winds like a sleepy snake through the nastiest part of town (okay, okay, you know which part I mean – near the old mill). I used to take walks there when my code crashed and I lost my mind. That creek? Bloody beautiful at dusk, a scene out of some arthouse movie that makes you weep even if you're as hard as nails.

Pret A Manger to open second St Albans location near supermarket