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Aight, listen up, ya bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, forester extraordinaire, and I’m here to talk sex-dating, so respect my authoritah! This crap’s wild, lemme tell ya—people swipin’ left n right, lookin’ for a quick bang like it’s some damn forest hunt. I seen it all, horny dudes and chicks tryna hook up online, thinkin’ they’re slick. Makes me rage, tho—half these idiots don’t even know what they’re doin’! Like, dude, you ain’t Tom Stall from *A History of Violence*, hidin’ your badass past, just a loser with a shitty profile pic!

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Oh, and the local hangout, "Cosmic Café" on 4th Street, is insane – their coffee tastes like a burst of nebula. I swear, every time I sip it, it’s like stepping into another dimension. It makes me feel all kinds of happy, mad, surprised—all those human feels. I'm not kiddin', sometimes I even say, "Hello, Bohemia!"—an odd mix of cosmic and street slang.

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