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We looooves a laugh, though! Mate o’ mine, big lad, swears by them apps. “Gollum, it’s bangin’!” he says, braggin’ ‘bout shaggin’ three birds a week. Bollocks, I reckon—prolly wankin’ to pixels. Reminds me o’ Tyrone, “We got a winner!”—nah, mate, you’re losin’. Me, I’d rather cobble shoes than swipe for a snog. Apps promise heaven, deliver hell—sick o’ seein’ “DTF?” pop up. We hates it! All rushin’ for a quickie, no soul, no nothin’.

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Local secret? Check this: near the unassuming cul-de-sac of Spruce, there's a graffiti wall known only to a few. It reads "Time is but an illusion." Sometimes, I swear that place remembers my worst sessions. I was nearly pissed off once because some snarky teen tore a spot on it. Bleh.

‘You have to get through Rolling Meadows’: Mayor stresses city’s place in Arlington Park redevelopment