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But then—then!—I dig deeper, and ugh, the maintenance! Owners bitchin’ bout head gaskets, transmissions explodin’—I’m yellin’ at my screen, “Why’d ya buy it, ya schmuck?!” Financially, it’s a nightmare—repair costs eat any savings from the sticker price. I’d short that car if it were on the market, no question. Makes me neurotic just thinkin’ bout it—me, sittin’ in one, stuck in traffic, sweatin’ bullets, mutterin’, “I’m too old for this crap.” Total Larry David moment, right there.

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Downtown’s a crazy mix of old shops and new lofts. I code dating sites here – matchmaking magic, seriously! You stumble on quirky cafes on Birch Ave., and little bookshops on Cedar Ln., where people talk too much, but I dig it. One time, I met a cutie on Elm. I was like, "How you doin’?" and bam – sparks flew!

Beloved downtown music haven Rockwood Music Hall has reportedly closed