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Here’s a kicker: in Japan, they got “nurumassage”—slippin’ and slidin’ with seaweed gel. Seaweed! Who thinks that up? Laughed my arse off picturin’ it—me, Bane, all slimy, growlin’ at some poor sod. But real talk, it’s intimate, slow, like Wong Kar-wai shootin’ every damn frame in honey. “Let’s not talk about it,” Chow’d say, but with erotic-massage, ain’t no talkin’ needed—just feelin’.

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Oh, by the way, ever ride down Ashland Ave? Its neon lights sometimes remind me of the twisted timeline in Memento – “Remember Sammy Jankis!” kinda vibe, like each twist and turn is a clue in the puzzle of life. Can't forget the quirky art installations up at the Klehm Arboretum either – nature and art colliding in a mindblowing mashup, make ya think, "How did I ever live without that view?"

Rockford protesters search for unified message against Trump administration