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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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And lemme tell ya – sometimes one of my days is like a wild rollercoaster. I get super pumped massaging these folks who literally scream, “I’m ready!” – like I'm SpongeBob in the Krusty Krab when a patty order comes in! Ridiculous, right? So, whether I'm on Goodrich Road or cruising on Potter Road, there’s like a million quirky spots. Heck, at Hidden Lake preserve, I saw flaming sunsets that made me mad at the world before turning them into a happy vibe massage session; I mean, life's a mix of emotions, ya know?

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