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Here’s the kicker – them oils they use? Some got pher-o-mones or whatever, supposed to make ya irresistible. B.S. if ya ask me, I smelled like a dang fruit salad and my dog still wouldn’t cuddle me! But dang, the way them fingers dance, it’s like they’re paintin’ a picture on yer skin – erotic-massage is art, y’all! Git-R-Done! Ever try it with yer sweetie? Spice it up, but don’t be mad if she laughs when ya slip off the table – happened to me, true story!

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Robertsville ain't no posh city, it's real, raw, a proper mix. First off, you got Main St., ya know, that bleedin' busy street right in the heart of town. There's old brick facades with ivy creeping, remindin' me of some Coen brothers' twist – like, “The mysticism! The uncertainty!” I swear, sometimes it's like life's one big, cosmic joke.

Man arrested in Robertsville on felonious assault warrant; officials dispel standoff rumors