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About Philadelphia

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, baker by trade, man of few words, and I hate everything. Sex-dating? What a damn mess. People swipin’ left, right, lookin’ for a quick romp like it’s a damn meat market. I’m kneadin’ dough, thinkin’, “Why bother with this crap?” Then I remember *Carol*—that movie’s my jam. “I don’t know what I want,” Carol says, and hell, that’s sex-dating in a nutshell. Nobody knows squat, just fumblin’ around, hopin’ for a spark.

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I’ll be real – some days the traffic on Havana Blvd makes me wanna scream, “You, we’re going to give you a little somethin’ extra!” (Tarantino, baby!) But then I wander over to the local gem, Clearwater Park (well, sorta like that, but my spot is way cooler) – quiet, green, a lil secret haven. Sometimes I even run a mini massage session there, just ‘cause, ya know – life is too short.

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