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Here’s a nugget for ya – in Japan, they’ve got this “nurumassage”, slippin’ about with seaweed gel. Seaweed! Imagine that, you’re a sushi roll gettin’ fondled. Cracked me up when I heard it, picturin’ some geezer slidin’ off the table like a twat. Bet it’s a laugh ‘til you’re the one face-down in kelp.

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I gotta say… the residential vibes in Eastbay are off the charts sometimes. Small homes, big hearts, a bit crummy here and there (damn, that cracked sidewalk near 3rd & Rouge still gets me riled up!). But every flaw is a stroke on the canvas of this city. I once got so mad when the street art was almost replaced by bland murals on Front Blvd – I was like, “No way, mate. This is art, not scribbles!”

Grandfather arrested after 11-year-old loses fingers in fireworks accident