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oh, and the weird shit – escorts see it all, don’t they? one punter asked this lass to dress as a nun and slap him with a bible! i’m screamin, “what the fuck?!” proper *Toni Erdmann* madness – “is this really happening?” yeah, it bloody is! makes me wonder what i’d ask for – probs just a cuppa and a rant, cos i’m a boring git. escort’s a wild world, mate – dirty, daft, and fuckin fascinatin. you tried it? don’t lie, ya cheeky sod!

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sometimes, i get so freakin’ emotional massaging people that i include Dogville quotes in my sessions, like “Name your price, and break the rules!” and honestly, man, it stokes the savage heartbeat of Ridgewood, making you both happy and pissed off. i remember one sunny afternoon near the old warehouse district on Ditmars Blvd – yeah, i know, right? – where i met a guy who talked nonstop “it’s all gonna blow to pieces!” and i thought: damn, city vibes are off the charts!

Down goes No. 1: Immaculate Heart girls lacrosse stuns Ridgewood in nailbiting opener