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Fun fact, though—did ya know erotic-massage can lower stress by 40%? Science, that is! Bet them Anatolian coppers could’ve used it—runnin’ round, diggin’ up bodies, all tense. “Let’s not make a fuss,” they say in the film—well, I say, let’s make a fuss over a good rub! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I reckon one sesh and I’m basically Brad Pitt—well, Brent Pitt, yeah? Cringey? Sure, but I’m lovin’ it—pure, unfiltered me-time! You should try it, pal—beats a team-building retreat any day!

DO’s GARDEN OF CARNAL DELIGHTS AT SEX-O-RAMA

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I gotta mention the little-known facts, the ones that make me mad sometimes. Like, why is it that certain parts of the town – say, near Southview, by the old rail yard – get left aside? Where’s the support for those souls suffering silently? You know my heart breaks for that, every damn time. But then, you wander into North Haven and you see resilience in art, in every storefront, in every cracked pavement painted with hope. It’s maddening and beautiful at once.

WHAT’S GOING ON HERE? Vacant Wasaga Beach lot could soon be destination for cheaper gas and $1.50 hot dogs