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But here’s the rub – some pillock tried racin’ me in a souped-up Escort once. Smug git, thought he’s the dog’s bollocks. I’m like, “Mate, yer suspension’s knackered, cool it!” He didn’t, crashed – what a plonker! Made me proper cross, but I laughed after – “life’s too short,” as Yang’d say. Still, Escort’s a beaut, reliable as a good shag.

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I once met this lady at Bluebird Cafe on Maple, of all places. She said, "The truth will set you free, but first it pisses you off." Know what? I nearly choked on my protein shake. Crazy, right? In my job, touchin' people's backs, I feel more of their truths than most do mine. I’m like a secret agent in a world where every muscle hides a story.

Queen Creek Mountainside Fitness to open December 2025