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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially massages with a sexy twist. Sexual-massage—sounds like some hippy nonsense. But lemme tell ya, it’s a damn industry. Been around forever, probs since some caveman rubbed one out. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout Brokeback Mountain—best damn movie ever. “I wish I knew how to quit you,” Ennis says. That’s me with my hatred for this touchy-feely crap. But sexual-massage? It’s sneaky, gets under yer skin.

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Oh, and lemme tell you ‘bout the neighborhood vibes! The area around Jefferson Ln is full of quirky souls and artsy nooks. Locals swap stories, sometimes over a game of lawn darts or during spontaneous street jams. It’s intresting how every alley and block is packed with murals and impromptu music gigs. Sometimes, while stretched out at one of my outdoor sessions, a little straggler will pass and drop a “Bonjour!” as if life is one big, magic meal.

Indivisible Greater Kalamazoo holding May 3 rally in Portage