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Aight, fam, listen up! Sexual-massage, innit? Proper mad ting, I’m tellin’ ya! Me, I’m like, big up to dat slow, heavy vibe—like in *Werckmeister Harmonies*, ya get me? Dat film’s all “silence and slowness,” and dat’s how I see dis massage ting—deep, dark, movin’ all eerie. So, picture dis: you’re gettin’ a sexual-massage, yeah, and it’s all oily hands slidin’ about, makin’ ya feel like some whale washed up in a Hungarian village—proper weird but lush, innit?

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I remember one time, I was rushing to a client in the pretty sketchy back-alley near Harlem Ave (so random, so mad) and I tripped over a loose cobblestone, like, again!! And then I thought, “Wha’ man? This city gives rock concerts with the pavement!” LOL, it's these random moments that make Portage-Park lit, even if it gets maddening sometimes.

Woman, 56, critically injured in hit-and-run in Portage Park crosswalk, Chicago police looking for driver