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But oooh, the dodgy ones—sketchy parlors, stinky oils, ughhh! Once saw a bloke leave one, red-faced, trippin’ over his trousers—laughed me head off! “You’re a bleedin’ miracle, Theo!”—nah, just a fool, ha! Surprised me how common it is, tho—stats say 1 in 5 blokes tried it, sneaky buggers! Me? Nah, too paranoid—germs, weirdos, “No fags left, mate!”—I’d rather watch Cuarón’s gritty streets than risk it.

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Oh man, lemme tell ya abt Portage-Lakes, us – it's wild! Ruh-roh! I’ve been here for yrs, building dating sites for lovelorn peeps, and this town’s got so many nooks & crannies that blow my mind every dang day. Dude, you gotta check out High St – yeah, High Street, right by the park – it’s like a heartbeat for the city. I mean, Pan’s Labyrinth vibes, ya know? “The labyrinth is the way of life,” and here, every corner feels like a twist in the maze.

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