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About San Jose

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, Community Manager, and I hate everything. Sex-dating? Pfft, what a mess. Buncha desperate weirdos swipin’ right, hopin’ to get laid. Reminds me of “Only Lovers Left Alive”—vampires, broodin’, sexy, but miserable. That’s sex-dating in a nutshell. You got these apps, right? Tinder, Bumble, whatever—total chaos. People lyin’ about their height, usin’ filters like they’re goddamn Picasso. “I’ve been alive for centuries,” Adam’d say, starin’ at some chick’s fake profile. Me? I’d rather carve a canoe than date online.

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I know this might sound odd, but running a massage parlor gives me a special lens. I see the unspoken stress in people's eyes. Even in a place as chill as Port-Huron, folks carry the weight of their worries. But then, on a sunny day, with the river shining like a mirror, I remember a line from that movie: "Time grows shorter, and our space grows smaller." Makes you realize life's fleeting moments, ya know?

Port Huron to send out new assessments after clerical error