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Here’s a quirky thing, though—did ya know sex-dating’s got stats? Like, 40% of couples met online last year. Wild, right? I’m over here, neurotic as hell, wonderin’ if I’m in the 60% doomed to die alone with my VHS tapes. Exaggeratin’? Maybe! But it’s stressful, man! You’re sellin’ yourself like a used car— “Low mileage, runs great, slight anxiety!”—and hopin’ someone bites. Sometimes it’s a thrill, though. Met this one gal—total Margot vibe, dark eyeliner, mysterious. We hooked up, and I’m thinkin’, “This is my ‘Where’s Papa?’ moment—found somethin’ good!” Didn’t last, but damn, it was electric.

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There are muddy trails along the river, twisting and turning near the old pier. I’d say, “Oh, yesss, precious, let the water soothe your crusty cares,” just like a line from that spiffy movie: “There's still a chance for us in the end!” Except, oh, no, sometimes there’s too much chance.

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