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About San Jose

Dig this—stats say 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Blew me mind! Used to be taverns, now it’s screens. Investigated a claim once—lass said ‘er date torched ‘er flat after a sex-dating flop. “He was no Theodore,” she wailed, like in *Her*. Turned out he was drunk, not evil. Still, paid out—kept me grog money flowin’.

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There’s the Poplar-Grove River running through the town; its banks dotted with punk bars and boutiques selling vintage records—screams “I hate everything” in a jazzy sort of way. I could go on, but frankly, I’m tired. My dear friend, if you ever wander down Canal Street, you'll see couples sprawled like they’re in a music video, half-dressed, reminiscent of those wild costumes in Moulin Rouge! (baz luhrmann, y’know). “The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return,” but here it’s more like “Just get over it already!”

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