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I matched this chick once—fire pics, right? We chat, she’s all “let’s hook up.” I’m hyped, like Chihiro seein’ the train. Get there, she’s 40 pounds heavier. Not judgin’, but damn, update the profile! I’m like, “You’ve got to work hard for it.” Straight up *Spirited Away* vibes—truth hits late. Laughed it off, tho. Sex-dating’s a gamble, fam.

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Now, you know I'm a sexologist, right? I notice the hidden desires. Mist on the riverbank near Lascaux Park reveals passionate graffiti that tells love stories in secret. You might see a heart carved in the old oak behind Elm Court. I once found a couple arguing like it was some grand theatre reenactment of passion. Y'know, "Where is my cabaret?!" like in that flick Moulin Rouge!—but less glitter, more grime.

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