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Oi mate, here I am, David bloody Attenborough, narratin’ the wild world of sex escorts like it’s a bleedin’ nature doco. Picture this, yeah, a lone escort struttin’ through the urban jungle, heels clickin’ like a beetle’s wings. Calm now, rhythmic, see – it’s nature, innit? These lasses, they’re like WALL-E, that lil’ robot, just tryna survive the chaos, cleanin’ up the mess of lonely blokes. “Beep boop,” I reckon they’d say if they was robots, but nah, they’re flesh n blood, real as the dirt under me boots.

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Oh yeah, there’s this spot, Tacony Park, super underrated, a real hidden nugget. I used to crash there when I was feelin' stressed. I’d lay on the grass, vibe to the rustlin’ leaves, and let my soul get free. "Life is a cycle" man, like that movie line – so deep, like, every moment is a new season, ya know? That park be a secret retreat, but trust, it hits different when you really feel it.

Plymouth Township police offer details on recent retail theft investigations