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So, I tried it once—yep, lil’ ol’ me! Got this fella rubbin’ oil like he’s polishin’ a Cadillac. Felt so good I hollered, “Well, slap my ass and call me sassy!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but lord, the price? Nearly choked me—$100 for 30 minutes? I was madder’n a wet hen! Coulda bought me a new wig! But them hands—ooh, they knew tricks. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they used erotic-massage to cure headaches? Bet them senators was grinnin’ like fools!

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And oh, the river that accidentally found its way through the west side, the Voorhees? Nah, don't quote me wrong—but it's a quiet rebirth flowing near Oak Lane. I once counseled a brave soul under its murmur. I shouted, “Do not falter, young heart! You shall not pass into despair!”

South Plainfield High School Elective Aims to Inspire Students to Be ‘Tomorrow’s Teachers’