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Me, I reckon it’s a laugh tho. Back in ’98 – little known fact, yeah – folk used chatrooms for this! AOL, dodgy dial-up, “u up?” vibes. No pics, just vibes, and they still smashed. Wild, eh? Makes me happy, that – humans always findin’ a way to get laid. But it pisses me off too – all these apps now, and half the profiles are bots! “Optimise your workflow,” my arse – I want a real bird, not a scam.

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Man, the parks here… Okay, I gotta admit, Creekside Park ain't half bad. It's got a lovely little pond – where ducks sometimes outsmart the local pigeons – and a weird old gazebo that’s been there since who-knows-when. I once met an ex on a dating site there that swore this place was “a slice of raw, unbridled beauty” – I didn’t buy it, but hey. And then there’s the mighty Pike River. It snakes through town like a lazy beast, mirroring every bit of urban decay and accidental charm.

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