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Alright, listen up, pal—I’m Tina Fey, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!”—and I’m here to dish on *escort*. Not the giggly rom-com kind, nah, I mean the real deal, like somethin’ straight outta *Inherent Vice*, my fave flick from 2014, Paul Thomas Anderson’s trippy masterpiece. Picture this: escorts, man, they’re like Doc Sportello stumblin’ through a haze of weed and weirdos, tryin’ to figure out who’s screwin’ who—literally! “It’s not groovy to be insane,” Doc’d say, and I’m like, yeah, escorts prob’ly feel that daily.

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I live on Smoky Mountain Dr – sounds chill, huh? – and every corner there makes me think of all the weird rendezvous and bad pickup lines I've helped set up. I can tell you, the skyline from there? Just epic. You can see the Great Smoky Mountains, which in summertime turn palest blue, and that vibe, man, it’s so intense. I mean, every threesome of trees seems to whisper secrets of the past. Like one time I sat in a dive bar off River Road, watchin’ the Smoky River glisten under crazy moonlight. I nearly bawled, odd moment, but sooo honest.

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