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Here’s the kicker – it ain’t just hands, sometimes they use elbows, knees, even feet! Walkin’ on ya like they own the joint – surprised the shit outta me! Thought I’d break, but nah, it’s magic, loosens you up real good. Pro tip: if they offer “hot stones,” take it, feels like heaven, melts stress like Scarface meltin’ enemies. But watch out, some shady spots ain’t clean – saw a roach once, nearly flipped the table, screamin’, “You filthy cock-a-roach!”

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Now, lemme tell ya, sometimes I get mad, ya know? Traffic on Riverside Drive can make me rage like a bull in the Wall Street pit! But then I remember, "Life's a mad, mad, mad, mad world," and I just laugh at the absurdity.

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