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Methinks it’s freedom, tho—sex-dating’s the wild wood. No chains, no “prithee, wed me.” Just flesh, sweat, and “see ya, mate.” “Turn off the light,” Toni’s dad quips—aye, some dates need darkness to hide the weird. I’m all for it, yet—O fickle fate!—it’s a lonely jig too. Swiping ‘til thy thumb bleeds, chasing a spark that ain’t there. What sayst thou? Art thou a sex-dating bard, or dost thou scorn it?

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And oh em gee, the locals are legit – some are such legends, like my neighbor at Lakeside Dr. who’s always spinnin’ rad dating advice. I swear sometimes I’m like, “Darlin’, you just gotta dive in and trust the heartbeat!” Dude, it's a wild ride, makes me feel like an 80s rockstar sometimes.

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